Takin' It Down a Notch

So, as I was saying, I spent yesterday and today working with the same 3rd grade class. These kids were much better than the class I worked with on Monday but even then they weren't that great. But this gig was exponentially easier than my previous assignment. I worked side by side with a student teacher, Ms. Geisler, who handled at least half of the teaching duties. And I received comprehensive lesson plans for both days. The icing on the cake was that the teacher, Ms. Ramey, was actually in the building tending to other business on Tuesday, so yesterday I had the opportunity to talk with her face-to-face before and after the school day.

Once again, quite a few interesting things happened in the relatively short time I was with these 8 and 9 year-olds...more than I care to tell in detail here. But what I will do is offer some brief notes on the more interesting or funny moments from the last two days. Here goes:

a. For the record, Kelli Ramey is a fox. It wasn't until I arrived at Stout Field Elementary yesterday morning that I knew I would be filling in for Ms. Ramey or that she would be there herself to welcome me to her class. It was upon meeting Ms. Ramey that I also discovered she was a beautiful blonde not much older than myself. But before I could get any ideas about working an angle on this particular chicky mama (as if that's something Dave Scott ever does), I saw an impressive rock on her left ring finger that told me, "Not only is she taken, but she's with a dude whose financial situation is much better than -$30,000." The disappointment that came over me at the sight of that ring was accompanied by the voice of Dr. Gonzo saying, "Goddamn what a bummer." It's a good thing I only had about 30 seconds to get my hopes up.

b. Ms. Ramey was kind enough to send one of her problem children to another class for the last two days. However, after the group's misbehavior on Tuesday, she left me a Post It note this morning informing me that two other kids had been relocated. Before lunch, I'd personally relocated yet another.

c. One of the kids that was left in my care just happened to be a boy with high functioning autism who was obviously off his meds. He developed a slight distaste for yours truly when I confiscated his ball of blue putty during yesterday's reading time.

d. Both days, the grammar lesson was on antonyms. Ms. Geisler informed me that the kids had learned about synonyms the week before. So while I was leading the kids in coming up with antonyms for the word "cold," I made the observation, "If you figure out one antonym for a word you can easily come up with more antonyms by thinking of synonyms for that first word you figured out." This helpful trick was lost on them. I might as well have asked them to consider the causal efficacy of the past upon the self-determination of immediate occasions of experience. That's how lofty my spontaneously formed pearl of wisdom seemed to them.

e. I've never heard the sound of a monkey on quaaludes, but I'm pretty sure it would sound something like the noises one little girl continually made as I walked by or sat near her.

f. Upon confiscating Yu-Gi-Oh! cards from one child, I soon found out that they didn't even belong to him but to one of the boys that had been moved to another class.

g. This latter boy had gotten into trouble the day before for dropping the f-bomb on the playground. His reason? When he found out that a girl told Ms. Geisler that he had pushed one of her friends, he called her a "f---ing tattletail." Unfortunatley for him, I was standing two feet away when he said it. When he tried to deny it and neither of us teachers believed him, he revealed his anger management problems. He never screamed at us but he did roll on the ground and convulse like some Gallilean demoniac. Sadly, neither the Son of God nor a herd of pigs were in the area.

h. I got another picture from a student...a boy this time. It was considerably less scandalous than the one I received on Monday. Impressively, he's already capable of drawing cubes. Far less impressive is his ability to draw a three-dimensional triangle. The picture he gave me was a "house" composed of these two shapes. Maybe I can get Susan to scan this drawing as well.

i. This little boy was also excessively eager to be my friend. He got too casual too quickly and started calling me "Scott" instead of "Mister Scott." I guess he thought Scott is my first name. After I told him that, as his teacher, he had to call me "Mister," he started calling me Mr. Scottie. I put the kibosh on that reeeeeal quick.

j. Yesterday afternoon, one little girl kept asking me if she could show me and/or the class something she had wrapped up in her sweatshirt. At the end of the day, I finally agreed that she could, and it turned out to be a trophy she won at a beauty pagent. Today I found out on the playground that this little girl "liked" a boy named Daymond who, in turn, liked her back. I knew I'd been drawn too deeply into their little world when my initial reaction to this turn of events was, "C'mon, Ciera! You can do better than him." Thankfully for all of us, I didn't say that out loud.

k. Finally, my favorite funny moment. During Social Studies today, the kids had to read an essay about El Paso, Texas and complete the accompanying worksheet. When I acknowledged that Kennya Santiago has her hand up, the following short exchange ensued:


Dave Scott: Kennya, do you have a question?
Kennya: No, Mr. Scott. I just wanted to tell you that I know the answer to question one without even looking in the book. [The question asks for the English translation of El Paso.]
Dave Scott: Is that so?
Kennya: Yes. I know Spanish because, well, I am.



That's all the annecdotes for today, friends. The subject of my next report:

kindergarten.