My Lenten Commitment 2007

For the fourth consecutive year, I am transcending my low church roots and adopting the long-standing Christian tradition of giving some thing(s) up for Lent. Over the first three years, the scope of my self-denial progressively expanded from reasonable sacrifice to borderline asceticism. Whereas 2004 saw me eschew chocolate and beer, 2006 was the year I crossed the street whenever I saw any desserts, liquor, or fast food.

This time around I'm tapering the self-denial back a couple notches. First off, instead of giving up "all deserts" I'm simply giving up the ones I love the very most:

chocolate
ice cream
cookies

Second, I plan to fully embrace alcoholic beverages this Lenten season. I came to this decision when I realized that today is Ash Wednesday (i.e. the first day of the Church's long, sullen march toward Easter) and tomorrow is the day I make my first trip to Atlanta in nearly 8 months. The chances of me reuniting with Candler friends like Jay, John, Beth, and Dana and not drinking are about as slim as the chances of me being recruited by a lingerie football team to be their tackling dummy. Thus I've decided not to make Jesus cry by adopting a commitment I'm certain to break.

Third, last year I resolved to deny myself fast food during Lent. Unfortunately, I did not define "fast food" prior to Ash Wednesday so I spent nearly all of that holy season debating with myself and others about what restaurants I could patronize with a clear conscience. This year I'm eliminating hermeneutical conundrums by simply naming specific restaurant chains I will not eat at until Jesus once again rises from his tomb. Those establishments are:

McDonald's
Wendy's
Arby's
Burger King
Hardee's
Rally's
Taco Bell
Pizza Hut
Domino's
Noble Roman's
Donato's
Pizza King
Steak 'n' Shake
White Castle
King Gyros
Denny's
KFC

This list represents places in Central Indiana or Atlanta that I am likely to buy from if given the option. These places serve cheap, often-less-than-nutritious food that I am prone to eat too often and in excessive quantity. Those who are eager to keep me accountable for this resolution should therefore chastise me only if they discover I've patronized one of the above restaurants. So if you see me eating a Chipotle burrito or Mellow Mushroom pizza, don't criticize me because you'll lack the proper grounds.

Here's to a successful season of Lenten commitment. It won't be easy, but it'll be a heckuva lot easier than being betrayed by your friends and suffering an agonizing execution.